The Post-hardcore genre is one I’ve had an on-again/off-again relationship with over the past few years. While Dance Gavin Dance drew me in and Emarosa gave me the soaring high point I feel the genre was built to illustrate, I quickly found that the so-called “indie” bands of the genre were almost all awful. In this way, the genre has thrived with the mantra “less is more.”

It quickly drove me out and turned me into a casual. I’ve been familiar with Anthony Green for some time, and having heard Circa Survive a few times with satisfying results, I made the sad decision to give his new solo album, Beautiful Things a listen. Let me be the first to tell you that you should not attempt listening to Beautiful Things while experiencing happiness, euphoria, complacency or a deep appreciation for individuality and expression. Beautiful Things has been known to interrupt and undermine all of those things, transforming them into deep-set feelings of anger, confusion, the inspiration to right various wrongs and the urge to eat something altogether unpleasant to rid yourself of whatever the hell it is that Beautiful Things made you randomly taste while listening.

Joining the ranks of [insert every post-harcore band here], Green has a voice not unlike that of a man without testicles. This actually is not an altogether unpleasant vocal style – one that is appreciated in, say, a band like Coheed & Cambria – and one that Green has utilized well as the frontman with the aforementioned Circa Survive. But when he’s doing anything other than singing what I’d consider his baseline “normal,” he’s just awful.

Awful.

At his best, Green sounds like the female front of an 80’s punk outfit (on a happy day), and at his worst he sounds like a small child singing obnoxiously from the toilet. For an illustration of the former, listen to “Can’t Have It All At Once,” and for the latter, check out “Big Mistake.” Please note the disclaimer from above and listen to these songs at your own risk. They don’t get much better, mostly because it’s really hard to tell if Green has any actual plan for this album, evidenced by his meandering and schizophrenic vocal style and the mash-up of of instrumentation that clearly lacks direction.

The instrumentation actually isn’t all-that bad for most of the album. While it’s got a long way to go before it should be medically cleared for human ears, it’s certainly listenable for monkeys, dogs and several species of rodent. The problem, again, is the lack of direction; whether it be on the woefully inadequate Beatles-esque “When I’m On Pills,” or the – I guess ironically recorded – “Do It Right,” nothing seems to fit. The track mentioned above certainly does give off a Beatles vibe, but as opposed to being reminiscent of the classic English rockers, it’s more akin to an ironic re-imagining of “I Am The Walrus,” with none of the LSD and all of the multi-colored idiocy.

It’s just not fun without the LSD. And the song is about pills! How odd.

Beautiful Things is mis-represented from the start, and though I can’t quite say that I’m now going to spearhead the Anthony Green hate-wagon, I can say that there’s definitely a square peg and a round hole somewhere in the works. Look to his post-hardcore brother in Johny Craig for a good example of how to properly utilize your established talents to go outside the box in a solo album. Oh, and if you were wondering – yes, I did pick this picture because it had a great “derp” vibe to it. I don’t even know if that’s him, thanks Flickr!

Listen at your own risk: Anthony Green - Do It Right

 Photo courtesy of Julia on Flickr under CC Attribution+NonCommercial+Share Alike